The random and ridiculous “Golden Turd” mini-series in American Dad! stands as a unique experiment in episodic storytelling…
Few running gags in television history have been as oddly captivating and surprisingly complex as the “Golden Turd” mini-series in Seth MacFarlane’s American Dad! Initially, the story seemed to be a simple, throwaway joke… But over the years, it has evolved into a fully-fledged episodic narrative that threads its way through the series, bringing together disparate characters and stories in unexpected ways.
While American Dad! is primarily known for its irreverent humour and commentary on American life, the “Golden Turd” episodes are a little different. Each installment draws in new characters who come into contact with the gem-studded turd, revealing the corrupting power of greed and the lengths to which people will go to possess the valuable object. The mini-series has included police officers, a mob family, a senator, a group of museum thieves, world religious leaders, and even Beyoncé. Every chapter leaves viewers on the edge of their seats, as the turd brings doom to nearly all who encounter it.
Outside of the mini-series the Golden Turd makes a few small cameo appearances (most notably in “Widowmaker” when the cast and crew celebrate the 1000th vagina joke and in “Rapture’s Delight” when Jesus returns it to Roger who needs it to power his space ship in an effort to escape Earth during the final battle between the forces of good and evil) but those cameos aren’t really intended to be part of the actual ongoing “Golden Turd” mini-series. So, with that in mind: Here’s a look back at every American Dad! episode featuring the oh so random and ridiculous “Golden Turd” mini-series.
“Homeland Insecurity”
Season: 1, Episode: 6
Original air date: June 12, 2005
The Golden Turd mini-series starts in season one’s “Homeland Insecurity”, when Roger reveals that he poops golden, jewel encrusted turds. Mikey and Jim, two electric company workers, discover the gold turd that was left by Roger, and Jim kills Mikey with it. He hides the dead body in the back of his truck and drives away. He is stopped by a police officer, and fears he may have been discovered, but the police officer simply talks to him for a while and drives away. Then Jim stops at a gas station to call his fiancée, Abby, to let her know that they’re now rich. The phone is answered by another man, and he learns that Abby is having an affair. The scene ends as Jim sobs in anguish.
“Failure is not a Factory-Installed Option”
Season: 2, Episode: 3
Original air date: September 24, 2006
In “Failure is not a Factory-Installed Option”, we see Jim, who agonizes over the fact he killed his best friend for just a golden turd, then found out that his fiancée was cheating on him. He drives his truck onto the railroad tracks and gets hit by a train. Lt. Eddie Thacker and his partner come to investigate the accident and when Eddie sees the gold turd, he hides it from his partner and takes it home to his wife. They begin to speak of how it will pay for a great retirement and a house in Boca Raton, but Eddie regrets his decision and wants to take it back and face the consequences. He’s a week from retirement and afraid that he might get fired if found out. They argue until Eddie starts to believe the gold is affecting them. The wife apparently accepts his decision, but when she starts making tea, she adds rat poison to his cup. Of note, in Spanish “Boca Raton” means rat mouth, a nod to the rat poison Eddie Thacker drinks.
“Blagsnarst: A Love Story”
Season: 10, Episode: 23
Original air date: September 21, 2014
The story of the “Golden Turd” continues in “Blagsnarst: A Love Story” where Marylin Thacker is executed for the murder of her husband. Her son, Vincent Edmonds returns to the family home in sadness as he prepares for an election as attorney general. As his son is hit by a car outside, he discovers a secret hiding place under the floorboards containing the Golden Turd. Ignoring everything else in his life, he calls Wyatt Borden, a wealthy chemical dumper that pledges to help him and even make him president one day.
“Father’s Daze”
Season: 12, Episode: 1
Original air date: November 7, 2016
As the political primary takes place in “Father’s Daze”, Vincent, now going by his family name of Thacker, continues his obsession with the Golden Turd until his running mate, Bill Sturgis, confronts him over his behavior. Spying the gem, they tussle and Vincent is killed. But just as Bill lifts it in victory, two secret service agents enter. He lurches at them, but they fire multiple rounds and he is killed, as the Golden Turd slips from his hand and rolls under a chair. It is found by a cleaning woman who bundles it up and takes it to the Vatican where she presents it to The Pope. He presents it before a board of religious leaders who ponder how to return it to its rightful place, as the camera pans in on a stone tablet of Roger astride an Egyptian pyramid.
“300”
Season: 15 Episode: 21
Original air date: September 14, 2020
The Golden Turd returns in “300” when the religious leaders plan a way to get rid of the Golden Turd by returning it to its source. However, they too fall under its spell and kill each other. The ‘Knights Turdlar’, protectors of the turd, observe a delivery girl is immune to its spell and charge her with delivering it to Roger, and shoves it up his anus. This results in Roger falling into 300 pieces, turning the world into a utopia. When Roger’s mouth is delivered to the Smith’s house and tells of the situation, they set on a worldwide mission to find all his missing pieces and put him back together. They find the last piece is at the Family Feud game, so the Smiths must play to win the butthole. Roger wins and inserts it and the Golden Turd falls out, and Steve Harvey steals it until Stan knocks him out and takes it away, claiming intent to destroy it. Twenty years later, it has been revealed the Smiths have been separated as their only goal was to keep the Golden Turd for themselves. However, their fighting results in all of their deaths, and Roger and Klaus find the Golden Turd. Roger is able to see the moment he pooped out the Turd and proceeds to tell his past self to hide it, so no one can get it. With past Roger still keeping the Turd along with Steve, sets out on a road trip to Boca Raton. In the epilogue, a boy tries desperately to win the turd in an arcade crane game, until his mother pulls him away, but not without a look of avarice as they walk.
And, with the episode “300” the poop-related plot line that held everyone’s attention sporadically over the years came to a close. Or has it…
