What Does She Really Mean When She Says…

What does she really mean when she says...

She says, “you should do what you want,” but does she REALLY mean it? What’s the context, what’s her tone? With women, it’s equal parts what she says and how she says it! So many variables! While one might argue that men can be difficult to read sometimes, women aren’t that simple either. In the hopes of helping women (and men) everywhere, here are some Cole’s Notes to help you breakdown what she really means.

Are you dating anyone right now?

Tone: Was she shy? Did she ask slowly and cautiously? Did she ask quickly and brush it off?

What she’s thinkin’: “I wonder if he’s single. Very cute…”

Context: Where are you? Are you at a bar? Are you co-workers? Are you friends?

If you are at a bar, you’ve got the green light. She’s interested! GO for it! If you work together, she might be genuinely curious! So proceed with caution and wait for further flirty signals. And if you’re friends, wait for further cues- such as giggles, smiles, and touches.

What you should do: Be honest, answer the question. If you want to make a move, et the context of where and when she’s asking you dictate how to proceed next.

Do you REALLY want to do that?

Tone: Emphasis is on REALLY.

Context: You’re about to go to a restaurant, party, event, or any activity. 

What she’s thinkin’: “Ugh. Why is he dragging me to this. Can’t we do something else?”

What you should do: Acknowledge that she might not be interested in the activity you’ve selected. Then be honest about why you want to go, or why you want to do this together. Hopefully once she understands your motivations, she’ll want to make you happy, the same way you would want her to be happy!  It won’t be that bad right?

Does this make me look fat?

Tone: Does it really matter? It’s a straight-forward question. Even though I cringe when a friend asks me this, I can’t help but do the same sometimes!

What she’s thinkin’: “Do I look fat? I don’t like how this looks. Nothing looks good on me.”

What you should do: Make sure you listen and look attentively at what she is talking about. Whatever you do, never ever tell her that it is unflattering. (unless you want a super quick way to end things with her!). Tell her that she looks great in no matter what. Even if she knows you’re lying she wants to know you think she’s beautiful.

He was flirting with me!

Tone: With surprise or assertively.

What she’s thinkin’: “Does he notice how HOT I look in this dress?”

What you should do: Flatter her and let her know how you feel about her! She wants to be reminded. If she was hanging out on her own, she probably liked being flattered by other men! So make sure you make her feel equally special!

* Read between the lines. Remember to strike a balance between what she is saying and how she’s saying it! If you’re ever confused, it’s probably because she’s not being direct. Help her (and yourself out) and listen to what she’s saying between the lines. Tone, context, and when in doubt, ASK!

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