20 Things Every Man Should Know About Women

You know all those things we, as women, want you to know about us, without us actually having to tell you that you should know them? You know, the things we get mad at you for because you should know, but you don’t know, but you should know? Yes, those things. These are them. Read on and learn…

1. We will get irrational about things

This can range from pantyhose runs to a ruined pedicure, from pimples to pregnancy scares. Under no circumstances may you actually tell us we are being irrational. Trust us.

2. We all agree: Funny > Hot

Your ability to make us laugh will always trump your ability to look good in a pair of Levi’s.

3. We like when you buy us things

Whether it’s a drink at the bar or a Tiffany’s necklace, buying us things (no matter how “unmaterialistic” we claim to be) will always put you in our good books.

4. We will never be our mothers

It doesn’t matter how much we love and adore them, our worst fear is turning into our mothers. Don’t ever accuse us of doing so.

5. We should never have to text you first

You wanna get with us? Then pick up the damned phone and send a text. Chances are, if you leave it up to us, you’ll be alone forever.

6. Sometimes we just have to fake it

Most of you have no idea how much time and focus it takes for us to have an orgasm (short answer: a lot). Sometimes our head just isn’t in the game and we don’t want to hurt your ego. Roll with it.

7. We remember everything

Like to an alarming degree. Be prepared.

8. We think your “three-day rule” is bull****

Sure, go ahead and wait three days to contact us. By then we’ll have probably been on two more dates with the guy who had the balls to call us the next day.

9. We really do judge you by your shoes

Yes, what you put on your feet will, without a doubt, factor into our decision as to whether or not we will date you.

10. We like to sext

But we will NOT send you a picture of our genitals. Don’t ask.

11. We define cheating differently than you

Anything you do with another female that you wouldn’t do if we were standing in plain sight is cheating to us. End of.

12. We don’t need as much PDA as you think

Contrary to popular opinion, most of us would be happy if you just held our hand while we walk around the mall.

13. We need to be constantly reassured

We don’t care how much you hate it, but if you want to keep us around, tell us how much we mean to you. And tell us a lot. Otherwise we will ask you. A lot. Like, annoyingly a lot.

14. We hate drama

But yes, we will probably cause it. Do not question this.

15. We have a very healthy sex drive too

So in other words, if we’re not having sex with you it is because a) we feel fat or b) we’re mad at you. Sidenote: Asking us if the problem is a) will make us b).

16. We like porn too

Sharing is caring.

17. We hate the gym

We don’t like pain and we don’t like sweat. We’re doing this to look good for you. So appreciate and repay the favour. And before you ask, yes, the same applies to genital hair removal.

18. We hate waiting

Whether it’s returning a text or turning up for dinner, we HATE IT when you keep us waiting. So don’t.

19. We like to be kissed

A lot.

20. Most of the time we aren’t actually PMS’ing

We’re just using it as an excuse to make you momentarily miserable.

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