How To Talk Her Into A Threesome

Every single person has a weird sex life. No matter what, in some way, you’re a perv. That doesn’t make any form of sexual gratification that comes at the price of another’s comfort permissible, mind you. But it does help to pry a few of our culture’s weird, puritan values off our swimsuit areas.

If you’re reading this, you’re probably already thinking a threesome is a possibility in your near future. Maybe you’re single, or you’re doing something casual, or you’re in a relationship that offers enough stability to initiate talks of the coveted menage-a-trois. This article mostly applies to folks of the latter category.

There’s no sure-fire set of words to say to make your dream of a threesome come true. This shit isn’t sorcery. Read on, instead, for some pieces of advice on what to think about and communicate in order to have the conversation with a partner go as safely as possible.

Be ready to read
As I’m sure you’ve already figured out, bringing up an issue like a three-way with your partner can be treacherous. You’ll need to start to read the situation long before you even bring it up. Is your partner the jealous type? Are they likely to think you’re not satisfied with them if you’re talking about adding another person to the mix? On the other side of the court, what if they go all in on the situation? Are you really ready for that?

Negotiate
You can’t get everything you want. Be loose, and make sure there’s something in there for your partner as well. Before you have the talk, you should know what you really want out of the experience, and what parts of it could be deal breakers for you. As your partner tries to figure out the same, expect some floundering, and maybe even a little accusation. Take the calmative role in these peace-talks, and be open to what they propose.

Manage your jealousy
Ok, you’ve gotten to a place where this seems like a real possibility. Maybe your partner has even already signed up. Now, ideally you’ll have done a mental walk-through of all the ways this could backfire on you long before you brought it up. If not, get started.

Is seeing your partner with someone else going to upset you? What if your partner wants to bring the opposite sex of the one you intended into the mix? Are you into that? Now’s the time to talk brass tacks and set up some clear ground rules to make sure you and your partner are both emotionally safe.

Be prepared to discuss where the idea came from
…And how long you’ve been thinking about it. If your partner is threatened by the suggestion, odds are this is a question they will come back with. Like all things in a relationship, it’s important to be both honest and considerate of their feelings in your response. If you’ve thought through your answer, you may want to bring it up at a strategic point even if they haven’t asked you. It may help with someone who is a little scared to admit they’re not yet comfortable with the proposal.

Remember, there’s no reset
If you’re in a steady relationship with clearly established sexual boundaries within it, even proposing a threesome can shake things up. Think about where your relationship is sitting before you make the proposition, and be ready for a lasting change in how you communicate and what you or your partner might ask for. That goes double once the threesome actually occurs. It’s not like everything in your relationship will change forever-more, but I guarantee there will be some new nuances to navigate. Be fair, be aware, and be ready for that.

Zach Buck

Zach Buck

Zach Buck is a writer and editor currently living in South Korea. He serves as the official editor of Spatial Studies magazine HEADREST. In 2016 he released experimental digital archive game house.xct_ with Other Families, and it can be read about on otherfamilies.ca.

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